Four requests from agents today. FOUR! That brings the total to five! I’m not getting my hopes up, because that just means my query letter was decent. I just hope my writing is decent.  I’ll keep you posted on that one.

The tree pollen here is a killer. My red truck in now orange, my black truck is a dingy poo green and my clothes and hair is riddled with it. I sat at B4’s baseball practice for two hours and my eyes are terribly red.

We have a busy weekend. Hubby is taking B3 to her tournament in another town and I have to have B2 at her tournament tomorrow at 8 am. Plus, I just found out today I’m snack mom with another parent. Ick! B4 has a baseball game tomorrow at 5 pm and practice Sunday at 5 pm. Somewhere in there I need to get the laundry done and go to the grocery store.

I really wish B1 was sixteen. He has his learners permit to drive, but a responsible adult has to be with him at all times. Another driver in the family sure will be nice. Oh well, there’s always next year.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

It’s done! THE SCRUFFY DOG REVIEW is now uploaded.  I don’t think it looks half-bad considering I had to learn how to “drive” the new software in just a few days.  The “error” in the earlier post was quickly addressed by the software folks.

Also check out my new website. It sure looks so much better than the old one. 

You have no idea how much better I feel now that this is done. Now I can get back to writing!

 

I purchased the new Web Design Software. I designed both The Scruffy Dog Review and my own website. They look wonderful. I cancelled the old Website Design software and waited while my domains were emptied of the old websites.

Tonight I tried to load them and  . . . nothing. I got an error! “Error while uploading. The program could not create a catalog.” I’m not certain what that means in “website speak” but I do know that I have no web presence until the software company can respond to my plea for help.  I knew this was too easy. Nothing has been easy, of late, and this certainly comes as no surprise.

Oh well, when they do get loaded, they’re going to look fabulous. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I got no writing done today and I’ve heard nothing on any of my submissions. But all in all, it was still a pretty productive day.

Just call me busy, busy, busy. I got a shocker this morning at work because another co-worker turned in their resignation. I suspect their long commute and gas prices had more to do with their decision than employment security. I think many folks are rethinking their forty minute commutes due to the fuel prices. I’d like to but hell, I drive all over the damn county anyway and it isn’t for work.

Tonight B2 had a soccer game in another county. She caught a ride with another mom. Thank goodness for my “village”. B3 had softball practice and B4 had a baseball game. B4’s team won. Anyhow, I was home by 9pm and after wrapping up the evening chores, I was off to work on the next issue of The Scruffy Dog Review.

I have to build the site from scratch again, but thanks to Devon, it won’t take as long as it otherwise would. The old Website Design package I was using was clunky and slow. But with the new package it is moving along faster. The only drawback I see is that I can’t go online and do any changes at work. I have to do it all on my desktop. It’s going to look awesome though, if the Contributors Page doesn’t kill me first. Linking all of the websites is taking longer than I thought.

I waited all day for a call or an email from B4’s Principal regarding the letter I sent. I never received one, but a teacher who read it jokingly asked if I would come and teach writing. It was a nice compliment.

I got another request for a full from a big literary agent.  I’ll get it out to her tomorrow. I prefer to do these in the morning when I’m a bit more alert.

Well, it’s late and the alarm goes off pretty early around the Birch house. Goodnight!

Thanks Devon, for the advice on B3’s infection.  She’s at a softball tournament with her dad tonight, so I’ll check it when she gets back.

B4 was in the office on Friday when I went to pick him and B3 up from school. B2 was already at the soccer field. I honestly believe his depression and anger is a result of bullying. I didn’t say much in the office, but here is the response I’ll be sending to the principal tomorrow. If I’m out of line, please stop me before I press SEND.

 

Dear (Principal’s Name):

 

Since we talked on Friday afternoon, I’ve had some time to think about our discussion.  I’d love to sit and down speak with you in person regarding B4, but with our schedules, I think it would be nearly impossible to meet anytime soon and this situation is more urgent in nature.

 

Rest assured I still believe some of B4’s behavior on Friday was inappropriate and I appreciate being made aware of it, but I’ve come to the conclusion after further discussion with B4 that you have a serious situation of bullying and perhaps more students (other than just B4) could benefit from the confidential counseling you proposed. 

 

I’ve always told my children that there are all sorts of people in this world and part of their education is to figure out how to best deal with the differences – especially behavior that they perceive to be anti-social, immoral, unethical, aggressive, etc. I have continuously stressed this particular life lesson and its criticality to their overall success in our society. This philosophy has worked fine for B1, as he is larger and stronger than his classmates (for the most part) and both of the girls, as girls seem to be more mental with their emotions than physical anyway (this is, of course, my observations and opinions as a parent only – a professional might disagree).

 

B4 is small for his size, and I believe it is this physical characteristic that makes him more of a target to potential bullies. B4 tells me almost daily that some boys call him names (insert insults), make fun of him and physically harass him. I’m not about to mention another child’s name in this letter to you, but you can look back through your suspension records and get a good idea of who the aggressors are and refresh your memory as to who starts the problem.

 

I think the staff is only made aware of the situation when B4 loses his temper after being pushed too far and I doubt if you hear of the countless times B4 doesn’t lose control (with the exception of (Teacher’s Name), who constantly reminds me how hard B4 works on his anger). You don’t hear of all the times that B4 makes the right decision and walks away after being teased, tormented or physically assaulted by another student.  I do and quite honestly, B4 shouldn’t have to deal with this on a regular basis as it affects his classroom experience as well as his downtime.  

 

B4 is a very busy boy and currently plays on two baseball teams in the area.  Never, since the beginning organized sports at the age of three, has he ever had a problem other teammates. This includes year around sports of baseball, basketball and football. There are many coaches and assistant coaches, both in the (our town) area as well as county-wide, who can attest that B4 has been a valuable member to countless teams and considered a mentor and role model to younger teammates.  Never has he been accused of not being able to control his temper or for being too aggressive.  At school, B4 is gregarious and has many friends. It is only a couple of boys that have made this school year miserable for him.

 

School should be a place where a student feels safe to express who he is and fulfill his educational potential and I believe B4’s right to a secure learning environment has been violated. I briefly considered moving him, but then thought better. Why should I move him, when I don’t believe he’s the problem? The bullying would still exist and someone else’s child would become their victim and that certainly wouldn’t address the root cause. Instead, I highly recommend some sensitivity training / anti-bullying programs be implemented for all students, not just the aggressors or the victims who courageously decide to fight back and are subsequently labeled “troublemakers” for defending themselves and others from physical harm afflicted by these malicious offenders.

 

None of my concerns are a reflection of (Teacher’s Name). She’s a wonderful teacher and has been instrumental in keeping B4 focused and on track during this school year, despite all of the issues. She is truly an asset to (School Name) and I don’t want this letter in any way, to reflect upon her impeccable character or ability to teach. To me, she is a Godsend because I truly believe she cares about B4’s academic performance and social growth as much as I do.

 

You said Friday that B4’s first bad decision was to take up for (Friend’s Name), B4’s friend whom the offender first attacked.  Honestly, I commended B4 afterwards for taking up for his friends, despite the consequences. I believe that is the epitome of a true friend and I’m quite proud of him for that.

 

Since the school’s inception, I think you can agree that I’ve been more than supportive of (School Name) Administration regarding the discipline of my children. But this time I must respectfully disagree with you and I must ask that B4 not be approached regarding my accusations in any way, unless I am present. He’d be too intimidated to speak freely with the administration without someone who truly believes in him and understands what he’s going through. Regardless of his “rough and tumble” exterior, he’s actually a very sensitive and very caring little boy.

 

I’m confident now that you understand my concerns that this situation will be competently addressed and resolved. My scheduled is pretty booked next week, but I could possibly stop by and discuss this matter in detail after I drop B4 and B3 at home and take B2 to soccer practice on Wednesday, if you wish. Please contact me on my cell at (xxx) xxx-xxxx or at work at (xxx) xxx-xxxx. Thank you for your time.

 

Best Regards,

 

Brenda Birch

 

Before I jump into “my day”, take a moment to check out Colin’s entry on THE SCRUFFY DOG REVIEW BLOG.   This is the part that kills me:

In response to the action filed by Rowling’s solicitors, RDR Books accused the Scottish author of seeking to “claim a monopoly on the right to publish literary reference guides, and other non-academic research, relating to her own fiction”.

Uhmmm, it’s her creation DAMMIT! SHE SHOULD HAVE THE FUCKING MONOPOLY! Usually the vultures wait until the author is dead before they start picking apart their work. It’s a shame she has to defend a world she created from the bottom feeders.  GO JK!

Sorry for the absence, but I’ve had some family issues to deal with. B4 has had a rough time lately, but I think we’ll be okay.  I don’t want to go into details regarding B4, but in order to jog my own memory to this painful time a year or two down the road, I will say that I’ve never had to deal with juvenile angst and depression to such a degree before. It’s scary. 

For those of you who are waiting for the Spring 2008 issue of The Scruffy Dog Review, it should be up this weekend.  And as far as the SDR future goes, I’ve had time to think and it’s all good. I love doing it and though sometimes it does weigh on me, I’d never let it go.  Everyone has worked too darned hard for so long. Thanks to Terri, Colin and Devon for letting me bend their ear.

B3 has an infected lymph node in her neck.  Her right side is swollen and she looks very uneven. I took her to the doctor for some antibiotics. She’s in alot of pain and was out of school on Wednesday.  Of course that doesn’t stop us from making “just a little fun” of her.  Okay, maybe I went too far when I pulled up my turtleneck, put an orange inside the collar and asked, “Guess who I am?” She’s a good sport about it though, and even remembers to take her pills.

B2 has a softball tournament this weekend in some po-dunk town northeast of here (I think) and B4 has a baseball game. B1 finally passed the drivers test and received his permit.  Now I have a chauffer. Let’s hope my nerves can take it. B3 has nothing going on this weekend.  Lot’s of time to upload and format the SDR and jot down some to dos.  I want to begin something new in May.

Today is Day 7 of no half-n-half in my coffee. I always knew it wasn’t a healthy habit, but when my intake became two quarts a week in my coffee, it was time to take some action. So since 4/11, it’s been straight-up black coffee. I have to say that it did take some getting used to, but now I really don’t miss it.

Oh, and here’s a shout out to Lori L! Thanks for reading!

 

I got a nasty case of the blahs today. It’s probably because I haven’t seen the sun for four stinking days. When it’s not raining it’s just a dreary gray overcast. NO SUN AT ALL. At least the temperature is staying above 65 degrees.

Okay after six years of dealing with “the biz”, I should be using to dealing with inept agents. But today one really pissed me off. I sent a status query to an agent who requested a partial of my YA Historical in November. She wrote back the following:

Hi Brenda,

 

I’m sorry–for some reason, your email ended up in my spam file.  At this time, i am not seeking new clients. 

WTF? If she wasn’t seeking new clients, why did she asked to read my work?

I constantly read about what authors should do and what they shouldn’t do and I think I know how to act professionally and have courtesy when dealing with the valuable time of others. Too bad some agents either don’t know or don’t care. 

Okay off the soapbox.

I managed to type the red-inked edits for the YA Literary.  One more read through and then it will be all ready to query. But I know one agent I won’t bother with.

Okay, now I’m really off my soapbox.  In fact I’d better just close this post now, before I hop back on it and go off again.

Brenda

But tonight I’m home with a big bowl of popcorn and a pepsi, watching LOTR on TNT and ever better . . . I’m childless! B1 and B4 are at the beach with friends and B2 and B3 are sleeping over at friends.  It’s been this way most of the weekend. Granted it did rain, baseball was postponed until today (but I sent B4 on to the beach on Saturday morning), and all softball was cancelled, but I still can’t believe my luck.

I’ve had to resort to a “To Do” notebook to get things accomplished. For some reason I’m less likely to procrastinate when I’ve written it down.  It also helps me to remember who has to be where and when and when they need to be picked up. I’ve only been writing things down for a few days now, but I have forgotten to do anything (or forgot about anyone) and I’ve accomplished a few small tasks that I would have put off otherwise.

B2 got glasses on Wednesday. I knew her eyes were bad but they were worse than I thought. Both she and and doctor tried to talk me out of getting her fitted for contacts. I held my ground because I only have so much time off work to run everyone where they need to be during the day (doctors in particular really don’t understand that and I don’t even want to discuss B3’s cavity that we can’t seem to get filled. It’ll probably fall out before we can fix it.) and I knew B2 would want them. The doctor finally agreed to fit her with daily disposables and then dialated her pupils.

Poor thing had to put the contacts in, take them out and then put them in again, all while her pupils where dialated. I wasn’t happy. Furthermore, the office charges $110.00 for a friggin’ contact lense fitting by some older gentlemen who was really nice and patient, but obviously had never worn contact lenses in his life. 

After about five minutes of failure and her getting frustrated (and the brightness of the lights), I intervened, plopped mine out of my eyes and showed her an easier way. She did much better after that.  

The rest of the exam went fine and then it was over to to pick our her frames and order the glasses.  She settled on pink Tommy Hilfiger wire frames and she looked really cute in them.

I have to take her back on the 9th so the doctor can make sure her eyes are fine after wearing contacts and to pick up her glasses, but at least it’s only two trips instead of four. And the best thing it B2 really likes her contacts and read the street signs to me on the way back to school. She couldn’t see them before. She’s mastered putting them in and taking them out.  I don’t want to say “I told you so” but dammit, I just wish she’d trust me. 

This week is Spring Break.  I have to work and hubby is out of town. Should be uneventful except for the whining about being bored.  Hate it for them. We might take in a movie or go out to dinner but that’s it.  Both of the girls have two nights of softball practice and I’ve got some editing to do. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week.

 

. . . I’d want “muting” power. I swear today when I picked up the kids from school, all of them were whining about something.  B4 did all of his homework and in class assignments, but somehow he got a couple of C’s and one D on his report card. The teacher hates him. It’s all her fault. He must think I’m the biggest dumbass in Charlotte to tell me something like that.

B2 got a C in a class where she hates the teacher (I’m not crazy about him either, to be honest) and B3, well, she was just whining. 

And, judging by the expressions of other moms driving out of carpool, they were hearing the exact line from their kids. It’s times like this when us moms could invoke our “muting” power and drive home in peace. We would listen to whatever the hell we want to on the radio because we make the damned car payment! Of course, we’d never abuse our “muting” powers and only use it to keep the fine line of our sanity intact. uhmmm . . . NOT! I’d “mute” them the moment they got into the truck and “unmute” them before bedtime.

I first thought I’d like a “freeze” power, but then who’d unload the dishwasher, help me with dinner, laundry and do their portion of the lunch chores?

I finally finished something I’ve been fretting about for a month now.  It’s behind me! YAY!

A shocking change of pace found me at the ballfield this weekend. (kidding!). Both B2 and B3 had a tournament this past weekend and B4 had a little league game. All three were winners! I’m not sure what the score of B4’s game was because hubby took him. B2’s team won all three games. B2 hit well, but had a poor performance in the field. She was benched on Sunday. I was okay with it this time, but it better not be a regular occurrance. Ever since this “superstar” ball player and her domineering father joined the team, B2 has pretty much lost her position. This new player is good, but she’s prone to theatrics, smoke and mirrors - i.e diving for balls (that she still freakin’ misses), jumping up and whipping the ball down to second (she also plays catcher) so low that the shortstop (my daughter) misses the throw and the runner is safe.  At the end of the day, she doesn’t do any more than B2 ever did, she’s just alot dirtier. Her bat’s pretty weak too. ‘Nuf said, or else I’ll sound like a bitter mom.

B3 had an awesome tournament. She came close at least five times of hitting a ball over the fence (about 200 feet). Her only home run came in the last inning of the last game. She played catcher and did a really awesome job. They had to play five games because stupid errors cost them a win on Saturday. To win the championship, they had to beat another team twice in a row. And I’ll be darned if they didn’t. It was all good.

The YA Literary piece is all red-inked in a binder and hopefully I’ll get all of the changes made this week. But not tonight.

Going “home” gives me a chance to see how far I’ve come since I left and allows me space to think about where I need to go. But this time was a bit different.

My kids found some old yearbooks and after they were done laughing all the outdated clothes and gosh-awful hairdos, they tossed them aside.

I picked one of them up and opened it.  The first one, from middle school showed me pretty much as I think I am - easy going and fun loving.  It all looked normal. I was an alternate cheerleader in 6th grade, not quite good enough to made the real team. I was skinny with pasty white skin, a gap in my front teeth and hair with a mind of its own (no matter how much Aqua net I used).

The high school yearbooks told a completely different story, especially my junior and senior years.  My eyes were distant and sullen, my hair was barely brushed and I was wearing way too much makeup.  When I looked into that young girls eyes, her fear, anger and especially her sadness washed over me like ice cold river water. It all felt so real again and very little of that time was happy. 

There were so many bad decisions and even more stupid mistakes, most of them made while consuming alcohol. Mom and dad had their own “demons” and “crosses”, so I was pretty much on my own.

Flipping through the pages, I found the picture of my sophomore year on the basketball team. The only reason I played was because I had a ride to and from practice and some girls I called “friends” were on the team. I sucked and barely got to play. It didn’t matter though because no one ever came to watch. Dad told mom he watched, but he never showed and even though I didn’t verbally lie to mom, I was forced to perpetuate the belief that he was there. Mom knew where he was and probably never forgave me for my role in his deception.

I had the grades to be in the National Honor Society both my junior and senior year. I’m not certain how it is today, but back then the teachers voted as to who was allowed the honor. I was never voted in. I was invisible. Almost there, but not quite what they were looking for. But who was the student who had to set out the chemicals for lab, who was always trusted to grade papers because I had no close friends to give As to,  who always was the one to run to the office for extra forms and copies and who was one of the few students allowed to run the purple-inked mimeograph machine? Well, I supposed I was good for peasant work, but not worthy to be given anything worth a damn on a college application!

I just missed being in the top 10% of my graduating class (I missed by 1. I was number 16). Just missed because some of those who got in were taking art and PE, while I was busting my ass in advanced science and trigonometry.  The rules changed the following year, after I complained about the unfairness, but they wouldn’t change them for me. Do so would have meant a few kids from so called “prominent” families wouldn’t have made it. They “hoped I understood”. I certainly did.

College should have provided a fresh start. But by then I was so into self-destructing that I failed to see the opportunity right in front of me.  I was virtually penniless, my grades sucked and my heart got broken for the first time.  

It was then that I realized just how poor I was and it was another rough two years before I finally got (relatively speaking) my act together. Thankfully I did, because a few girls I knew really screwed up their lives. I mean really screwed them up.

Why am I blogging about something so personal? I realized this weekend that I’ve pretty much defeated my serious and at times dangerious character flaw of self-sabatoge. During those years I honed it down to a precise art, skillfully masking the obvious signs. 

In realizing this, I also knew something else in me had helped me get past it. This “something” has allowed me to skip all high school class reunions because it knew that bad memories would come back. This something has allowed me to  severe all ties with college “friends”. This something has kept driving me, kept me employed with work I do enjoy and get paid relatively well,  and helped me see that I matter to many, many people. Something made me sit down and start writing.

I have to trust that “something” will help me break-though this wall of “it’s great, but . . .” to “I love your work! You must be my client!” I do trust it as this “something” would never bring me this far for nothing. Trust in the universe and belief in my talent. I must have it or I’m doomed to fail.